Wednesday, April 25, 2007

Top secret

Sorry for the lack of posts of late. I'm working on "Top Secret Tasks" that are developing or coming to a close. I'll be sure to post something amazing and witty as soon as I complete most of these "Top Secret Tasks." Until then feel free to enjoy the archives!

Monday, April 23, 2007

Looking for Spring

While the last few weeks have been dreadful, pouring rain, chilly nights, a freak snowstorm or two, it seems that just this weekend, spring decided to smile on New York.

I can happily report that young kids all over Brooklyn are sore and sun burnt from playing baseball games all weekend, blooms have popped from previously gray tree limbs, BBQ's are still smoking from weekend gatherings, and I'm sporting a "healthy" glow from the sun after a perfect Sunday afternoon lying in the grass half cheering on the aforementioned baseball stars-to-be.

Of course, now I'm in an office taking a moment to type this up for all of you to read, imagine, enjoy. I'd really rather be outside. But, being the prepared, intelligent perfect creature that I am, I arrived to work earlier than usual this morning to allow for an early escape this evening where I will jog around the park then plant myself under a large, blooming tree until the sun decides it's time to go home.

Thursday, April 19, 2007

Respect My Athoritay!

Yes I know I misspelled "Athority" the misspelling is for the South Park joke, if you don't get it, sorry, not going to explain, just don't have the energy.

The IRS beast has come after me again. So, here's the thing, in 2004 I went through a divorce, which left me pretty short on funds for reasons I won't go into today.

Being short on funds, I withdrew all the money I had invested in a mutual funds account. As usual, in the spring of 2005, I went through all the rigmarole that is "doing your own taxes" and left 2004 behind.

Now, just this spring of 2007, the IRS has come looking for me claiming that I owe back taxes on the money I withdrew from my investment account. They claim I owe them over $800 for the entire amount of the withdrawal.

Not so.

All the money invested is POST tax, as in I've already paid taxes on that money. The only money they can tax me on is the money I made by investing, which happens to be $39.89.

In 2004, I took into account this $39.89.

So what is happening right now is the government is trying to take advantage of me through a mistake on their part for not being able to add or read or do anything remotely intelligent.

They are spending how much? in order to chase down someone they believe may possibly (and I don't) owe them $800. They have already withheld $260 from me and are "going after my assets."

I don't have any assets.

So in order to prevent this stupid IRS from seizing my cat, the $34 I have in savings, some well worn clothes and my some-day-well-in-the-future-first-born, I have to phone up the IRS at multiple intervals, file more forms proving the taxes have been paid and they (the government in general) are, in fact, a bunch of ignorant assholes.

They go after the little guy. The one who has always been a good citizen. The one who has never taken, although have often qualified for, government aid. The one who always pays her bills on time. The one who always votes. The one who works hard, is educated and who earns a mere pittance in the scheme of things.

If you happen to be one of those who feels we need more government, more of these ignorant bastards chasing after the little guy all I can say is F$#*K off. I'm done with the government, I'm tired of their bullshit. I'm pro-citizen, pro-independence, pro-doing things on your own. Uncle Sam? Big Brother? Again I say F$#*K off leave me alone, and truly was it worth all the money you've wasted to go after $40? Huh? Really?!!

Tuesday, April 17, 2007

No stories today

My heart goes out to the families of the 32 victims in Virginia.

Take a moment today to call/hug/talk to someone you love.

Life is so precious and all too often, too short.

Sunday, April 15, 2007

When the music stops...

Dating is so much like musical chairs. You roam around and around grasping for a seat when the music ends.

In the dating world not all the chairs are the same.

Some are low and soft, some are high and leave your feet dangling.

Some are comfy, some are painful, some are polished to a high shine, some are worn and rugged.

Everyone seems to enjoy the game, it's fun.

But there are the times when you don't get a seat, which isn't so fun.

Then there are the times when you find a great chair, a nice place to land, a lovely fit.

Unfortunately, you too often find, that great seat was manufactured far away, and although the music has stopped and you've found a comfortable spot, soon you'll have to be moving again, with one less chair in the room.

Thursday, April 12, 2007

A matter of inconvenience

I'm looking for paper.

Not normal paper, I'm looking for a particular type of paper that apparently must weigh 20lbs and contain 25% cloth or something to that effect that is just as stupid.

My old school is demanding that I spend an exorbitant amount of money on paper so that the thesis I submit to them will last forever.

The fact is, my thesis is already out of date. It's science for pete's sake. By the time an article is published, it's old news.

So why, in the name of all that is stupid and frivolous do I have to spend days searching an incredibly inconvenient city for stupid paper that may last ten more years than normal everyday, cheap, from the office paper?

Because they are idiots, that's why.

At the metropolitan museum of art they have countless displays of Egyptian papyrus paper records. That paper is made from a damn plant and lasted for thousands of years just so future generations could decipher them: "...two barrels of beer were delivered to Arsifat in compensation for a cow......blah blah blah..."

Who cares.

Even worse, no one cares about my thesis, it'll be printed on this stupid paper to sit idle for the next 50 years until Memphis falls into the Mississippi (a day I dream about with relish).

Somehow, I feel better after reminding myself that that stupid city full of stupid theses printed on stupid, expensive paper will inevitably be ravaged by a massive earthquake and completely flooded by the angry Mississippi river.

I think the fact that I'm wearing wet socks is affecting my mood...hmmmm

Tuesday, April 10, 2007

How I spent my Easter

When I was about nine, my parents took my brother and I on a trip "back east." We hit New York city, Williamsburg, Philadelphia, Washington D.C., and Boston. While it was some time ago that I had last seen Boston, I was eager to explore the city nearly twenty years after that first trip.

The RM and I took the Chinatown bus up on Friday evening and we hit the town hard that night. All I can say is I don't remember much of a night life when I was nine, but at twenty-eight, the boys in Boston are cute and the beer is cheap!

On Saturday, we rose fairly early (as in before noon) to hit the Freedom trail. Boston is full of trails that are mapped out to hit historic places. We were determined to do all (or nearly all) of the Freedom trail.

It began at the Boston commons with a loop around a park. Since we could see the loop from where we were standing, we chose not to peruse the pigeons and started on our journey, which would end at Bunker hill.

The first major find, along the way, was an old graveyard boasting the final resting places of Samuel Adams, Benjamen Franklin's parents, and (our favorite) Paul Revere.

We continued on past the first meeting house that started out as a British political building where motions that led up to the Revolution, such as the Stamp act, were discussed and enacted.

On past the oldest restaurant in the United States, an open market and we were off to The Constitution also known as "Old Ironsides."

We stopped off for some clam chowder on the wharf, lost the trail for a bit as there was a lot of brick and our little freedom trail is also brick, relocated the trail and headed up to Bunker hill.

We arrived at Bunker hill foot sore, cold, but happy. If you don't know, Bunker hill is (close to) where the first major battle of the Revolutionary war took place (actually Breeds hill, but Bunker is where the monument is). The order was to not fire "...until you see the whites of their eyes." While we lost the battle, the British took a severe beating taking the hill. They ended the battle with more than 1000 casualties out of around 2,500 fighting a force half their size. It was the first battle in which the newly established United States realized they could actually win and the first battle that the British realized the US meant business.

We finally reached the end of the trail and commemorated the moment with a stand on the final seal of the Freedom trail.

After five hours of walking we retreated to the hotel for a short rest, then headed out on the town again to verify that, yes, Boston boys are cute.

And that's how I spent my Easter.

Wednesday, April 04, 2007

Do you ever....

Do you ever look over and see that someone has the same cell phone as you and have an overwhelming urge to point this out?

"Hey, we have the same phone."

You gesture, then dig around in your purse to display said phone as evidence.

"Cool, huh."

Pause with some more gesturing.

"Well, not the phone, Samsung makes the shittiest phones...I mean I can hardly get a signal, and I'm always hitting random buttons. Yeah. So. But it's cool we have the same phone and all."

Then you realize how badly the conversation could go, having thought through all the gesturing and lame comments and don't say anything at all.

Instead you kind of end up looking a little silly for staring at the guy's phone.

Then you realize he might be thinking you were staring at him.

But he's not that cute, so you casually glance away and think to yourself "whew, that was a close one...."

Monday, April 02, 2007

Ten Years Later

This whole high school reunion thing has begun to really take form. People I haven't seen or heard from in nearly ten years are sending me autographed books or meeting up for dinner.

This weekend I met up with a friend living here in the city. There was the apprehension of not recognizing each other, of not getting along, of us having changed so much...

But it all went smoothly. We both looked relatively the same, although I'd say more polished and with nicer shoes.

I had so much fun talking with her, reminiscing and just chatting about life in the city. She seemed to enjoy herself too.

At one point in the evening she just turned to me and asked "Ten years, how could ten years have gone by." I just shook my head, I don't know.

My dad is going to his high school reunion this summer, the 30th I think. He's never gone before and recently we were talking about the people he had known, the people who are gone. He just found out a guy who had been in his wedding, who he'd lost touch with, has passed away.

My friend wasn't sure she wanted to go to the reunion this summer. Our first. I told her we'd lost five people. Five of the 280 sum that we graduated with died of accidents and cancer. I told her about my dad, and how he has lost a lot more than five. I told her I think it'd be fun for her to go, to see the people we were so young with because you just don't know how long they'll be around.

I'm determined to keep in touch with more and more people.

High school certainly wasn't the best time in my life, and it wasn't the worst.

It's not that we should stay friends with people from our past because of who we were then, but because of who we became, who we continue to evolve into as adults, parents, politicians, doctors, scientists, lawyers, authors, travelers, financial geniuses etc.

Those people we grew up with, knew since the 6th grade, those people have the same memories. We all looked out the same window in Chemistry class and went to the same football games, and hiked on the same mountain, and know about Vigilante day.

There are a small subset of people on earth who will ever have the same, or close to the same, memories as you. As you get older, there are fewer, and fewer. Your music is lost, crushes forgotten, the world becomes just a little bit lonelier.

So I'm going to hold onto those people as long as I can. Make new memories with them to add to the old.