Headlines

Families in mainland Europe evacuate as Homo sapiens threaten hunting grounds and lives. One Neanderthal is reported to say, “Just because we have high brow ridges doesn’t give them the right to attack my family.” Grog went on to emphasize, “It’s just pure genocide.”

An entire fishing village in Northern Egypt has fallen victim to the vile ‘People of the Sea.’ One disparate mother is reported to say, “I have lost my entire family and Pharaoh does nothing. He would send our soldiers over the sea to control the riches of Syria when here at home our sons are dieing.” She went on to claim that homeland security has been ignored for far too long. Editor’s note: this papyrus is not responsible for the personal views or blasphemous references to Pharaoh.


Religious fanatics are condemned by Ceaser Nero who is quoted as saying, “While preaching love and peace, Mr. Christ is personally responsible for the dissident in our society today. Our empire is seeking extradition for those who teach against the gods.”

Two knights of the round table were seriously wounded in battle today. King Arthur proclaimed in his speech to the people that, “...we will not leave until we bring peace to the Saxon homeland.”

Once again the wall is under attack. Mongols hit main fortifications of the wall in Southern China today killing two soldiers and injuring four more. The Ming dynasty has acted without hesitation reportedly signing into effect new funding for the wall. Emperor Ming was reported to state, “This funding will take homeland security into the future to protect not only us, but our children, and their children and so on into the 17th century.”

Outrage at the tragedy of the Boston Massacre has fueled hot debate today between Colonists and the British government. The well-known lawyer, Mr. Adams, is reputed to say, “England has no right to impose their rule on the world.” Colonist Ambassador, Sir Benjamin Franklin is saddened at the news. Although still residing in London, sources tell us he is soon to return home, to America.

The Emancipation Proclamation was announced today, years into the war. Slavery has been condemned by President Lincoln, who is reported to say, “Freedom is a right for all.” In other news, Miss. Fairweather lost her case in court today. The judge upheld the right for her nearest male relative to inherit her father’s home condemning her action as “unwomenly” and “irresponsible.” He went on to remind the court that women had no rights to land ownership as far as the law was concerned.

Archduke Ferdinand and his wife were assassinated today in Sarajevo. The terrorist group, The Black Hand has claimed responsibility. Austria has announced that this act is an act of war. Formal declaration of war against Serbia is expected.

On July 16, soldiers on the Mexican side of the boarder into New Mexico reported a white flash just before dawn. Aided by reports from Nazi sources, Japanese officials fear the U.S. may have succeeded in the development of a weapon that can cause mass destruction.

Breaking news reports: seven days ago, on Oct. 16, U.S. officials report the Soviet Union has indeed supplied Cuba with nuclear missiles. Kennedy announced the report in a press conference today sparking fear that the conflict will result in nuclear war.

The New York skyline will forever be changed...

Another suicide bombing was reported...

Two Palestinians die in Gaza strip...



A Neanderthal skull is unearthed. Scientists argue whether their disappearance was due to Homo sapiens aggression or peaceful interbreeding.