One or the Other

I had intended to post a letter to SAMSUNG about their less than par products, but having just spent the last hour on the phone with my credit card company, I think I'd prefer to write to them today.

Dear Credit Card co.,

You are a tricky people. How exactly do you manage to train your staff so expertly in the skills of misdirection? I actually am impressed. I could be angry, mind you, but really, I'm impressed. In order to emphasize my appreciation for your staff, I have included an excerpt of a conversation I had with one of your many lovely sales people this morning.

*Jill: "Good morning, I'm with credit protection and I understand that it is your wish to cancel the credit protection on your card this morning."

Me: "Yes please, I would like to cancel the protection since the fee is a bit too expensive and I was not aware this feature had been added to my card."

Jill: "Well first, let me congratulate you on getting this far. Most people give up after the first two or three transfers, that is assuming they make it past the recordings."

Me: "Why thank-you! I do pride myself on the stubborn will to save money."

(we exchange a hearty laugh together)

Jill: "I will need you to, of course, re-confirm your full name, mother's maiden name, permanent address, mailing address, phone number, pet's name and blood type before we continue."

Me: "Certainally...(classified)...is that all you'll need? The last sales person requested an oath to turn over my first born to your company."

Jill: "Yes, it's simpler here, we've already weeded out the faint of heart at this point."

Me: "ahhhh"

Jill: "So I understand you wish to cancel the credit protection?"

Me: "Please."

Jill: "And were you unhappy with the benefits?"

Me: "Well, Jill, to be honest, I just caught two charges to my card from California, as I'm in New York and could not have made those purchases, I feel the protection has let me down."

Jill: "I see, but there are other benefits to the credit protection. These include a free waive of fee for any first marriage, divorce, and entry into graduate school."

Me: "Interesting, I did not know that. But as I've been married, divorced and to graduate school it seems any benefits do not apply to me."

Jill: "Ah, but what I can do for you today is to lower the cost of your monthly fee to half of what you are paying."

Me: "As tempting as that is, Jill, I am not receiving any benefits what-so-ever for this service so it seems silly for me to keep paying for it even at a lower cost."

Jill: "Well, it's not silly to us."

Me: "No I would think not, but I would still like to cancel the protection, please."

Jill: "Alright then, there is an added benefit I could add leading to a fee exemption upon purchase of your first home or boat. Additionally, I would lower the current fee for you to half of what you are paying and in that way we could continue to bill you for a service you don't really need, OK?"

Me: (soft laughter) "No just cancel it please."

Jill: "So we are going to go ahead and add the boat purchase fee today then."

Me: "No we are canceling the protection today."

Jill: Pause

Me: "Please cancel the credit protection."

Jill: (sounding hurt and defeated)"The cancellation will go through in 2-3 days and you will see it on your statement."

Me: "Thank-you."

Jill: "Please call if you want the boa-

'click'

As you can see, your people are resourceful and willing to put every moral in jeopardy to make a sale. Please pass along my apologies to Jill, and congratulations on succeeding in duping so many other of your customers into adding credit protection to their card on the off chance they may purchase a boat in the next 30 days.

Sincerely,

Ldbug

*name changed to protect the crafty sales-person