a thought

So I recently made a trip home to good old Montana. It was a little strange, seeing the city I grew up in and used to know so well. Things change so much each time I visit, a new movie theater, loss of business on the old walking mall, a Macy's, a strip-mall, new soccer fields, a wine bar, and internet access ports for laptops at the library! Wow. Even the airport is different, no more animal heads on the walls (although we still have to walk out to the plane). I was sure that with all those changes, the people would be changed as well, or at least there would no longer be anyone left in the city who new me. Strange, but in fact I was recognized by nearly everyone in the whole damn town! Of course it did get a bit awkward trying to remember the other people's names, but still it was surprisingly nice to realize that people do remember me, do care. I sat next to a girl on the plane who turned out to be the older cousin of my next door neighbors. There were people I went to grade school, middle school, high school with, that I played soccer with, was on the swim team with. People who were there for my birth, (well not the actual event, but came to the hospital to see me). The downside to seeing everyone turned out to be exposed to the momentum of their lives which are all leading to more settled lives. New marriages, engagements announced, kids of my friends now going to the same school I did, Hawthorne elementary. I feel as if the only one still in the same place of life. Of course, people tended to go out of their way to introduce me to every other divorcee in the town, but even they were moving on. I guess that is the price I pay for chasing this dream. I live in a city with more than one uncomfortable memory and a plethora of bad drivers. There isn't a mountain for a hundred miles in any direction, and the populace consists mostly of happily settled southerners or stuck in the middle semi-professionals with a lack of direction. Well, I suppose that should be more incentive to work hard and move on, but..well, suppose I'm just lonely and a little lost. Makes it hard to focus on a goal that seems so far away. sigh