A very long time ago.....

I was a kid. I think five was my best year yet. I remember that entire year as if it were yesterday. Truly, not many people remember their fifth year of life, but for some odd reason, I do. It was the year I wore the 'prettiest dress in the world' for Christmas and my fifth birthday. A white frilly number with little red roses and a lovely red satin sash. I remember being complemented at the mall on our way to have a picture taken with Santa. I remember Santa having a real beard that year. I think that was the only time I'd ever seen Santa for real.

My birthday party four days after Christmas swirled with candy, presents, a lit Christmas tree, and sparkly stickers pasted onto masks.

Later that year, during those long, Indian summer days that belong only to Montana, I remember running inside the cool house thrilled with play, fun, friends, and sun. I ran in just to tell my mom that this was "the best year yet."

I didn't understand the look she gave me. Sort of a cross between sad and happy. Happy for her little daughter to be so full of life, sad because the world was still a sad place. Maybe sad because she knew one day that happiness would have to collide with the outside sadness.

But I still remember what it feels like to be happy.